is she still there

he's been wondering what is going on.. inside, deep down. he proclaimed his love and willingness to commit and then everything seemed to fall apart. maybe it's because of his past and has nothing to do with her. it seems to him to be a one way street... like a telepathic version of twitter, only she hears him and he knows nothing of her and what she sends him. it's not something he consciously chose but you can understand that he may feel a little vulnerable because, he doesn't believe everything that goes through his own head.

so he has his doubts that she is still there... maybe it's all a fraud, just meant to lure him in, like a fish on a hook. he certainly hopes that she is sincere as his gut tells him she is... but can she handle him? can he handle her? why does these relationships have to be so complicated? is it not enough that he has already pledged his allegiance to her? 'we are starlight' came from a deep place. down inside his gut, a voice that for him always speaks the truth... he's waited so long that to rush into something he doesn't understand yet would be foolish to him.

he carries his scars, in mind and body and spirit. the healing comes and he feels whole again. so blessedly whole again. it was really unexpected, that his prayers would be answered, it's been a long way home. from despair to hope, from wishing to die to wanting to live, from aloneness to being ok with lonely...

does she really see his heart? all shredded and torn apart, now patched and sewn back together again by a hand that was not his but hers and everyone else who lets the messiness be.

he just wants her to know that he's still here, and will continue to let the light shine out.. like starlight shining so bright, that the darkness is cast away as if it never existed.

love you